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Enhancing Creativity

August 9, 2017

It has been many years, I have been dormant in the writing area. In these past years, I did have many ideas, which I have escape though by procrastinating in yin part of my brain. I have been procrastinating as much as if -my life has been living in procrastination only. All those past months and years, I fall victim to my own thoughts, overthinking and procrastination.

Few weeks back, when I got back from the pipe dream “Europe tour”, I realized the fact there is nothing satisfactory in materialistic world. I still was longing for inner peace. I did have inner peace but was craving for something that I have forgotten in my life. I have been traveling all around, living a very fulfilling life, working as in my expectations. There are people who envy my lifestyle, sometimes. There is nothing I lack. But there is great amount of emptiness in me, “something missing”.

In one such a blue evening, I thought about getting back to these YouTube meditation session for regenerating my soul. It was not that I was not meditating all those years, but I was very irregular with it. For my restless nature, what else would be fruitful more than those musical sessions. Its been more than weeks, I have continuing my musical meditations energizing my soul, enhancing my creativity.

I have known these days, what I was missing in my life, it was pure form of creativity. I was craving deep down for creativity. As we human evolved by enhancing our brain, sharping it each moment, but these years I have let it down by procrastinating and relaxing. Though I updated myself with piles of information but there was something more to it. I have taken with me all the knowledge, information with me but I left my creative side down in the pathway.

Peace of mind and relaxation is not enough for healthy living .I have craved for challenges and creativity. Power of creativity is most fulfilling ego drink, that’s why it is very alluring drug ever.

It is very simple, humans are very dynamic creature, their desires , demands are changing every moment. To maintain our inner energy there are various ways to turn our energy or channeling them in positive direction. Some do exercise, others perform yoga, or sports and some do meditations.

It took me, so many years to get out of my procrastinating living and finally feeling same as the very old days when I was enjoying my each moment being creative.

 

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Manjari movie

May 16, 2016

Just watched Nepalese movie manjari today. Nice movie to watch. Though some of the conversations are unusual but at the end, the story does resembles Nepalese scenario and society in different level. Never wrote about the movie. I do recommend people to watch it. 

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Condemnation of emotional valediction 

December 21, 2015
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From living monuments to living with vulnerable monuments KATHMANDU

September 11, 2015

IMG_2784 

Kathmandu Durbar Square 

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Basantapur 

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Basantapur

UNESCO monument, Kathmandu Durbar Square declared as living monuments has been one of the major public spaces as well as magnet to tourists for its splendid work. Even these monuments were built in regime of Malla dynasty, Nepalese people have been using these monuments for more than centuries because the monuments of Nepal are directly related to Nepalese culture. 

After massive earthquake in April 2015, also referred as Gorkha earthquake, these monuments have been severely damaged. Some of the Temples, Palaces, and Pati of all three Durbar square collapsed. Remaining monuments are still standing but are extremely vulnerable due to the structures have been displaced. 

Not only monuments but the Malla style houses /Newari houses have faced the catastrophic earthquake in April 2015. Kathmandu Durbar square surrounded by small open spaces and with dense Newari settlements with small alleys were heavely mutilated. Some of alleys there are as small as 4m -1m. Walking through these alleys makes it a massive long petrifying path when the series of scaffolding attached to each houses across the alleys are prominently visible, and the obvious manifestation of earthquake absurdities threatens. 

The scenario of people living under these distorted house is spine chilling, it seems it’s the only recourse to people. “Do not enter, restricted area” these boards stands there in front of each monuments as another monument. Eventually these situations has turned a living monument to living with vulnerable monuments for Kathmanduities.

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The underlying clutter of an innocent soul

August 1, 2015

“Within the periphery of the utmost thoughts, my inner console has given up. All these years of transformations has driven out the peace inside me. I became a relentless wanderer and a warrior of these social hypocrites. No wonder how far I have made my etchings are still unclear.

Wherever I go I envision the mass, the mass without latitudes and without hunger. With their red eyes, their thirst couldn’t be concealed, yet they are dreadfully thirsty. Yes, I am petrified with this eternal thirst shoving sluggishly towards, could it engulf me”- um…… I gazed through the audience and couldn’t narrate the lines further.

No wonder this is not my first time, I have never narrated this to the end. As always, I am amused and then, recollected– I was in grade 10 when I wrote it and was super excited to narrate this in front of the valued authors who have visited my school for an event, and there I narrated it avidly. I knew it was my hundred percent but I collapsed, at the same point as today.

Mr. Birag, Mr. Birag, the Mc was calling me from behind, Are you alright? I nodded and he said, – well then please, carry on. I skim through the mystified audience, and handed the mic. In a moment, I slide down the stair and was already out of Nach ghar.

I left the venue, lit my cigarette, and was already walking towards Ratnapark. I stopped for a while, leaning on Ranipokhari’s boundary wall and tried to gaze in the pond, with a puff, I blew the smoke into the air, as a rocket towards the sky. Sadly, the smoke didn’t accelerate as a rocket but it slowly started to scatter and coalesces with the air.

There was no choice, no choice for smoke! The essence of turmoil lasted till I was inert and asleep.

I woke up as a lazy dog, made my black coffee and there I sat with a blank mind. What do I expect? In a warm sunny Mangsir day, enjoying the bitterness within the sweetness, and just basking in the sun. The nightmare was over, didn’t wanted to indulge myself on same thing. What a man want in a life?

My mind forcefully makes me ponder on my poignant state though how hard I just tried to bask. I know, I am unable to relate. I know, I will find the answer that day when I would be able to differentiate between killing an infant who have gone through many surgeries as eight and have several infectious organs or giving that infant a life, which would be a right thing to do.

My secrets are within me, I can’t reveal but I can’t run away from that narrative, it provokes me, as a lump in my throat, which I can’t repudiate.

“The paradigm of bubonic plague, the lewd thirst, has gulped down the generation. But has it transmuted too?-to a filthy genome? Or, it is lingering to the annihilation. “

The egalitarian bilkers of this country, the elitist of this republic, and the Diaspora of mass, whip up all, they are homogeneous, they are identical, and they are parallel

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Writing a Blog Blig n Pig

August 1, 2015

Weird jiffies of life. Amused with tiny, plain details that come across us every day. These detail may be blind to one’s conscious mind, however, it could be deep-rooted in subconscious one. Whether it’s a long journey or the day-to-day travel, there is a possibility of alterations in your thought while you are visualizing the same old stuff. In my itinerant state, my unconscious mind tends to generate hundreds of thought, some might be a one-liner, and others could be turned into a story or blog n blah n blah. This is very typical when I am unarmed and left alone without my weapons, my thoughts serves me with royalty.

Most of the time, it overwhelms me so dreadfully that I hassle to fetch small piece of paper and pen, all over the place, giving an impression to the people that-it is the glorious moment, when one of the historical episodes finally ready to be carved, to pass it on from generation to generations. With my weapons, I sit on my seat as if a victorious moment, holding a pen in one hand and paper on another, I sat still, reconciling my previously ventured thoughts. People around me jams their eyes on my pen inquisitively.

In my bare mind, I look into a big black monstrous wall, I close my eyes to emphasize my novel notions, and there I envision the wall escalating higher and higher. Unable to write down a single alphabet, tortures me as hell. I begin to note down all the twaddle, as I proceed I covered my writings from people. Such a feeble writer I am.

Today, it struck me again, as my reoccurring nightmare. On my way to firm in a micro-van, eagerly waiting to note down my new thoughts, “Today I am going to write this down”. As usual, as soon as I was in my office and ready to jot down- yes, yes and yes I am blank as vacant and empty as void. Totally impotent to dredge up the thought. I fantasized of composing such a mysterious and magnificent notion, just because of my failure of fetching up my memories right now, I have to turn up roughly with this. This is what I call-writing a Blog then Blig n Pig.

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THE BLIND WOMAN WITH A STRANGER MAN

November 7, 2012

 

A reflection of the full moon in a deep blue lake, with stars glittering over it; there sat a frog on a stone submerged in water, croaking. In this beautiful night, a lady was strolling her way into the deep dark forest.  She was scanning the ground with a stick, to find her way to the forest. As she walks slowly along the bank, briskly strides chain her feet at the very earth.

Lady, “Stranger, as I acknowledge, you are moving towards me, are you crossing the forest this night or you have another destiny.”

Stranger, “Yes, I am heading towards north, and I am in bit hurry, no time to natter, if you have something crucial go on”.

The husky voice of a man, gave a chill to the lady. The stranger was a handsome man in mid 20’s, with strong masculine features. He has light brown eyes with beards growing in his face. He was an elegant man wearing a black coat, converse and a cap, and he has hair long enough to hang out of his cap.

Lady, “ I am going in the same direction, as I cannot see, I am looking for an eye as a companion, so I wouldn’t be eaten by a tiger in this scary dark night.”

He was standing in front of the lady, and he says with a smile, “Do you cross this forest in day alone?”

The lady was a thin young girl in early 20’s with a dark scar on her face. She dressed clumsily in long skirt and shirt with long boots.

The blind girl instantly replied, “Yes I do.”

Man, “So, why do you need the companion at night”?

Blind girl, “As I told you earlier, I don’t want to be a dinner, at this time of my life.”

Man, “Okay lady, if you want me to help you cross this forest then there are some rules you might need to follow, if these rules, you agree to follow, then, I will”.

She was a bit surprised with the conditions; even both of them are walking in the same way, what kinds of rule she needs to follow. And without thinking much she says, “Yes, I agree with all your rules.”

Man, “hey hold on, hold on, don’t be so quick to jump into it, before hearing the rules.”

Blind girl, “Okay, tell me the rules or we can discuss this walking in the way.”

Man, “No, Rule one, you will not talk with me in the whole way, not even a word.”

Blind girl, “This isn’t that hard, I can do that, but would you like to tell me your name”.

Man, “Rule second, even if there is something wrong, you would not speak a single word from your mouth.”

Man, “Rule three, not even a word. Do you agree to follow these?”

Blind lady(thinking), ‘what a crazy man’.

Blind girl, “Well, I don’t have anything to talk with you, so it’s fair enough, I agree with all of your rules”.

Man, “Okay lady, follow me.”

And then, the man steps in front of the lady and says, “Well my name is Eldridge”.

Blind girl doesn’t speak a word and keeps walking.

Man, “You are a smart girl, but if you don’t mind, may I know, how you got the scar on your face?”

“Is it with this scarring you got blind or you were blind from the birth?”

She was quiet and busy scanning the ground with her stick and walking.

She was blind but now she is acting deaf too.

After a long pause, man speaks, “Aren’t you scared walking with complete stranger”.

And they keep on walking as time passes by.

A slow humming melody was in the air and slowly humming rises and took a shape of a song, “this is the kind of night where the devil melts in love.”

It was the man singing in his voice, the lovely voice that lady has ever heard, she was enjoying the time, his company, and his voice. He sings with deep integrity, as it was coming from the core of his soul.

She was a bit sad that she isn’t allowed to talk.

She was thinking, why I can’t talk, he has such a lovely voice. We are the traveler together; the time would have easily passed away. Well, I don’t regret this condition, as if I were talking then I couldn’t be able to hear him singing.

This very night in my life has made me curious about how it would be able to see the world. The strangest feeling I have ever had, I have a desire to see this man. I haven’t seen myself, as I never have vision since I was in this world. I never wished once to see this cruel world but this time it was different.

It seems like to me that the world is the happiest place to be in, which I never felt before. I was a bit surprised for newer and strange feeling I have got. I was living for the sake of my tom, it was the only companion in my life, who waits me in the door, when I got home, welcomes me with hugs and kisses. It walks with me half way into the forest when I am leaving home to sell the guava in the city.

I realized within my thoughts, the melody has already died, and even I was not able to hear long strides made by the stranger walking in front of me.

The cold chill ran through my veins, as the feeling of loneliness stroke me. I am bit scared, I lost him in the way, now I have to walk this dark forest, with fear as every night. Today, in the city, some people were talking that last night there was a tiger which killed some goats near the forest.

The deep silence there, not even the sounds of leaves ruffling.  I couldn’t move another step forward, just sat down in the ground. I was on my knees, putting my forehead on earth. The things I could feel was cold earth and the deep silence.

Suddenly, the very sharp thing thumped on my back rapidly, my body jerked up in pain. It cuts through my flesh penetrated deep inside and the warm blood rushing out, down the spinal line. The shock I had was immense which instantly dragged me into the clouds of unconsciousness.

Long after, I sense my burning skin, started to scan the ground for my stick, after two or three attempts I stumble on the rubber handle, slowly rising up from the ground with the support of my blind stick, was able to move some steps. I was moving forward at a speed with enormous pain as I can, the glory of the beautiful night have changed into a nightmare within few seconds of time.

One never knows what comes their way; I didn’t understand what happened to me, is that an animal attack? Oh! What if it comes again, I have a feeling that I can’t cross this forest tonight; this is my last day of my blackened life. I was walking desperately, stumbling over the tweaks and bushes.

The fear of death was mounting with every breathe I inhale. If everything is settled in life, then one should be aware of rapidly forwarding hurricanes that can strike you any time.

Terror was revolving in my eyes, hustling and rushing, running blindfolded, I banged my forehead on the tree and fallen down.

Everything was even darker than before, dark ……..

Wake up; wake up, lady are you alright. I can barely hear the husky voice, sooner, it was growing louder and louder and with a jerk, I opened my blind eyes. I started to shiver, he helped me to get on my foot and I throw myself over him and hugged him very tight not to let him go, or not to be alone.

He said what happened, where were you, I have been looking for you since one hour, don’t be afraid, it’s all right you are safe. He soaked my blood with soft material. I was in shock and the fear inside me was not to settle.

He slowly pushed me away from him but hold my hands to make me feel better and secure. Stranger man.“What happened lady?”

Not even a single word came out of me, we started to walk again.

I realized it was uneasy to hold hands of stranger man; I slowly pulled away mines, Stranger man, “I hope you are feeling better, and don’t get yourself lost now, walk beside me.

The stranger man talks like nothing happened to me, and don’t care much. Why should he? Anyway we were just crossing the forest together. But, I was bleeding, where was he, when the animal attacked me? He probably saw, the beast in the way and ran away to protect himself, such a coward.

I just want to cross it sooner, and I started to walk faster, even faster, strolling quickly with my blind stick even in front of the stranger man. Stranger man, “hey lady, you walk faster than me, anything wrong?”

He irritated me with his normal chats, I didn’t understand him at all, he pretends as nothing happened, such a douche-bag.

I didn’t want to talk with him; everything died which was growing before. Small hatred arose in me.

I heard the humming voice again, “this is the kind of night where the devil melts in love…….”

After a while, he started singing, “A special world for you and me, a special bond one cannot see….”

I was losing myself with his voice, even more lost in the words of his song? It was impossible to not to adore him, it was hard to stay away from him, I was falling for him, even he let me be a prey to predator.

I didn’t understand what was happening, is love really so blind, it doesn’t listen to any other commotion. I wanted to hate him at this moment, but that hatred which aroused in me was already vanishing. I just remembered when I hugged him, how he compassionately rolled his hands on my head and how he soaked my blood.

He was still singing but different song, but I was deep in my imagination of caring him, playing him and so on. I almost forgot what happened an hour ago. I was floating with song slowly; he was beside me and holds my hand and sings,

“My love is like a river

that will never end

my love is like a dove

with a metaphor to understand “

He left my hand and is still in his flow.  I was happy even with the cuts on my body and the barely clotted wounds. I was enjoying the moment, which might not be the same another day, I was living my fullest with hope to last it forever. I was being like a child, pure and truthful, honest and joyful.

My desire to speak was getting higher, but I didn’t speak a word, as I promised him in the beginning and I would never break any rules laid by the man with whom I surrendered.

(The dream of a blind girl.)

 

Long silence was there as we are crossing all the way through the woods; it must have been three hours and were very close to the river bank. This is my favorite part of the journey to home, in the morning when I walked along the bank; sometimes I just like to sit in the bank for some time and feel the beauty of nature.  I listen to the rhythm of flowing water, the flying birds, sometimes sitting near to me and chirping a song, in chorus with chimes of leaves. For me, nature is a melodious music very deep; so many variations of melody, never same every day.

People usually says nature is the most beautiful things that exist, the colors of nature are so vibrant, I do sometimes wish to know what are these colors, how beautiful they are…green, blue, red, violet…

And we are there, already walking along the bank, I was thirsty and walked towards the river to quench my thirst. I kneeled down in the river and lowered myself, fetch some water in my hand and sipped it of my hand and getting another sip.

Something just dragged me into deep river and in a second, was just under the water, in panic I hold my breath but something underneath has grabbed my skirt and pulling it even deeper. I made all my effort to come up to the surface to breathe, after struggling so long and trying all effort, I burst out and began to gulp the water. I was moving more intensely, and tried for my final effort to release myself.

On my struggle, I felt a rock and quickly get hold of it and with all my force, tried to rise up the water. With little more effort, I ripped some parts of my skirt and was able to get on the surface and inhaled my first life saving breath.

I am even panicking more as I am swimming in random direction; I am not far from bank but my choice of direction can make it far away and on top of that something underneath is wildly hunting me. I am trying to swim faster as I can, then there a sharp toothed thing pierced through back of my right thigh. Terrified, and am even moving faster in water with the pierced teeth on my leg, then huge thing stroke few times on my head, losing my muscles in sec, trying to get conscious, but inhaling water continuously.

There’s a vigorous movement beneath the water as I slowly submerged, I was tired to make any more effort for my existence, and I gave up. I am still dimmed conscious and after sometime, the rushing and crushing of water fades as I am lying in the dark bed of the river.

Pit-pat……..silence……pit-pit……pat…. wake up… (Slaps), few more slaps…… recognized voice-wake up lady!

I slowly regain my consciousness, I was blank as black. I didn’t move an inch for long and trying to figure out what’s happening.

Voice, “thank god, you are alive”.

I didn’t respond I am tired, I didn’t wanted to be alive anymore, and run for my life; all those terrors have gone way too far, and all I wanted is peace in mind, just peace.

Well, lady! If you want to play in the river at this hour of night, at least you should inform me. I came back to search you in right time, that’s why you are alive here, now, otherwise, God knows what could have happen.

I ignored, totally, what the man was saying to me, for a while, I am subtle and the treacherous night. I don’t deserve this, till now, in my conscience, I am good human being, and then, why all mighty lord is making me suffer.

Stranger man, “I stroke the water beast ten times with the dragger and then, it went away. What kind of fantasy is to swim, in these odd times, oh! Lass these days, I don’t understand them at all.”

He comes to me and makes me sit and opens a thin cotton shawl and wraps around me and says, “Now, you are dry, drink this, it’s only a cup of tea I have, you will feel better.”

I turned my face away, and he says, “Listen lady, drink this fast and we need to get going, I have to get away before dawn.”

The tea was warm and gave me little hope of survival; I got up myself and handed the shawl to the stranger man.

Stranger man, “Wear it, otherwise you will fall ill, here is your stroller.”

My face was blank and I walked away by handing him shawl and with my strolling stick.

I was moving very slowly, was as blank as my face. Nothing came to me, not a single thought.

The stranger man runs to catch me and says, “I think you are not thankful at all.”

He adds, “I saved your life, make you warm and gave you my last cup of tea.”

I was silent as dead.

“Okay, then that’s the deal, if you are with this much of pride, now, whatever happens, I m going to go my way”, Stranger man.

I walked slower, so, the man would be ahead, but, it didn’t work, he was matching up with my pace.

All of sudden, this cloud of thoughts surrounds me, what if something happens again. I am very weak now, and all the cuts and wounds are burning, and I am not able to walk with terror, pain and in everlasting darkness.

I hesitated to walk fast, and slowly, I felt he was bit ahead.

“Will I be able to walk through this forest tonight, it must be almost dawn. I need to escape from this man, I am not feeling secure with him; he is deceitful.”

“No, if he was then why would he save me from water beast.”

“He gave me shawl to make me warm; he gave his last cup of tea.”

“I am just being suspicious. And what he can gain from doing those to me.”

“But, I have never faced anything like this in whole my life.” Nothing attacked me till this date; I grew up crossing this forest.”

“I haven’t encountered anything, for once. And it’s already been twice, how it can be possible.”

“I need to run away from this stranger”.

There is a cave after the river; we already walked a long after the river, so it must be close. I started to scan the marker stone which will lead me to the cave. Help me god, I hope I haven’t surpassed it. I am so focused on searching it.

This is the only hope for me tonight; let’s see how luck supports me.

I am very disappointed to not to find the stone marker. It was the point where there is separation of two paths one leads through the jungle and one leads to cave.

When, I was child, me and sage, came to pick up the plum from the tree and then, we started playing hide and seek. She was lost for an hour, after calling her four hours; I finally reached the cave where she was hiding. After that it became our secret place.

Ah! Here is the stone, I was glad to find it; I slowly took the path to the cave, without making single noise.

After walking long, I reached the cave and swiftly get inside, and sat down.

“I will wait here, till morning. I am feeling little secure and safe. I get little rest.

God please, bring the dawn soon.”

It’s been while, I was laid there, and my eyes were getting heavier, but I couldn’t get sleep because I am petrified.

Cecilia, Cecillia…………………Cecillia…………….cecillia (shouting voice)

Me, “Is that you Sage? Sage (shouting), Is that you Sage?”

Sage, “Yeah, I am looking for you, Tom was barking whole night, so I went to check in your house, and you were not there, so, I was worried, so, I came to look after you.”

I jumped towards the voice and hugged her tightly, “my dear friend thank you so much, you don’t know, how happy I am to find you.”

“Yeah, I am so happy, I found you here in cave, and I am right at my guess.”

“But, what happened?”

I was still holding her, it’s a scary story, I was attacked by the wild beast twice and a stranger man saved me from them.

“Yeah”   (Voice of strange man)

I jumped away in terror from her and woke up petrified.

I am still in the cave, and so scared.

I am praying to God for every second. I am not a strong woman; I am weakened by all kinds of fear.

“How was your nap?” said Ghostly voice.

I get up immediately.

“Don’t be scared.”

I recognized that he is a stranger man.

Stranger man, “Are you running away from me?”

I picked up my stroller, and walked outside of cave.

Stranger man, “No, body runs away from me.”

After this, I started moving faster.

“You are very smart lady, you, escaped; now again, trying to run away from me.”, stranger man.

“Nobody can run away from me.”, stranger man said softly.

“Nobody runs away from me”, raises his voice.

“You understand me.” , shouting.

Nobody, means nobody, yelling at his top of his voice.

I started running.

I heard him running behind, in panic; I was running as fast as I can, as I am wounded so much.

He stabbed me on the neck from the back.

I immediately fall down. It was in tremendous pain but I hold my breath in terror.

I hear him coming closer to me; I am evening feeling his breath over my face.

I heard him walking away.

I laid there till the sounds fades away.

I am full of tears and pain, lying on ground, with dirt’s over me, breathing my last breath, the warm bloods flowing through both sides of neck.

“Why?”

“Why?”

“Why?”

“Why?”

I gathered single energy stored on each cell and somehow managed to get up for the last time.

The blood from neck have reached my chest and wetted it.

I started running sluggishly towards the village.

I was falling and dragging myself forcefully, I slowly removed the knife which was still on back of my neck.

Ahhhhhh!

Taking long breath, started to run again.

I was finally out of the jungle, where there is a huge lake. Birds are chirping, it must have been dawn.

I heard somebody in the bank of lake, pushing the boat for sailing.

“Is that you stranger man.”

He was silent.

I drag myself towards the bank.

Is that you stranger man????

Why?

Why? You have done this to poor blind girl.

Please, tell me why? Before I die.

Why?  Why? Why?

I am tired and weak and slowly trying to get down.

I am forcefully standing on the bank, was feeling dizzy and just collapsed on the knee and to the ground.

I was lying on sand, and heard the boat started sailing, still no words from the stranger man.

I was getting conscious in short times, I heard it was sailing away and away.

(The sound of sailing of boat vanishes and all gets black)

THE END

(Fictional Story)
August, 2011